14 June 2006

Peculiar Poetry Strikes Again

Good evening. It is time, once again, for our resident poet to emerge from his hole and vomit some verses—we genuinely have nothing better to broadcast today. Thus, we strongly recommend turning off your radio, as exposure to poetry has been known to cause nausea, dizziness and accelerated sensory combustion.

Our resident poet begins with a brief comment on haiku poetry. Your ears may be warmed; you have been warned...

“When some write haikus,
And fractured grammar abounds,
I think it’s awful.”

So do I. Next, we have an even worse contribution. Sorry about this...

“Humming bird, humming bird,
Humming humming humming bird,
Humming bird, humming bird,
Humming humming bird!”

That was Humming Bird, written by Ms A Humming-Bard. Ye gods, something interesting’s just happened—return to your hole, foul poet!

An anomalous source reports seeing the worst recorded case of pes-pila febris in nearly four years! P. p. febris is a widespread psychological disorder that can lie dormant for over three years before being detected. Its symptoms include:
  • A tendency to decorate ones body, clothing, accommodation, means of transport and offspring with particular tribal colours and patterns, often at great financial expense;

  • An intense dissatisfaction with the size of ones present television equipment, even though it was top-of-the-range not long ago;

  • Frequent waving and incoherent yelling at ones television equipment, possibly as a result of its ailing attempts to reproduce the colour green (having been worn out by excessive display of that colour);

  • A desire to consume alcohol and junk food to excess, resulting in hooliganism and obesity;

  • A tendency to sing and chant, often about spicy food, and to attempt to whistle the Great Escape theme;

  • A strong desire to congregate in large open-air churches, make sounds like an angry sea and throw small hard objects at a man with a whistle.

  • An intense but unrealistic belief that ones idols will soon be in possession of a funny-shaped metal bowl, which they shall caress and wave above their heads;
Now that you know the symptoms, be vigilant and report suspected cases to us promptly. We will be duly cheered by your misfortune.