15 January 2012

Introducing Paleozoic PhotoPro™

Sponsored by Cambrian Cameras™ — Do you need a button that adds creativity to your photos? Do you want to add nostalgia to last week’s snaps? Yes you do!

With Paleozoic PhotoPro™ your art can suggest your camera was:

  • Dropped down a 16 storey spiral staircase
  • Smothered in grease and ignited
  • Buried in a garden with a high water table

Make your photos look like they’ve been:

  • Shot with a finger over the lens
  • Taken through a flimsy maroon carrier bag
  • Torn in half and taped back together

We’re innovating ahead of our competitors! Anticipating the day when the cheapest digital camera you can buy would make today’s professionals green with envy, we are developing filters to authentically simulate patented retro digicam effects such as:

  • Dirt On The Sensor
  • Dead Pixels & Hot Pixels
  • Scratched Plastic Phone Camera Lens
  • Virtual JPEG Artefacts
  • 640 × 480 Resolution — or for extra nostalgia: 352 × 288 Mode
  • Red-Eye Simulation via Advanced Face Detection
  • 50× Digital Zoom with Realistic Camera Shake
  • Authentic Webcam-Style Sepia Tone

Buy now and save 10% in our online store with the coupon code MOREMEGAPIXELSALWAYSGOOD

08 February 2009

Space-Time-Bending Story

To mark our 42nd transmission, Sydney Sodno the singer-songwriter from Stanwell-Upon-Sea has written a song about his bedroom! He borrowed the tune from The NeverEnding Story, though. (Naughty Sydney.) Anyway, here goes:

Turn around
Look at what you see
In this place
The paper piled in reams
Precious junk is everywhere
Hidden in plain sight
But some of the pages
Tell the outline of a space-time-bending story...

Where to start?
Try a vacuum clean...
Piece by piece
My things become dust-free...
But where can I keep them?
Put them back onto the mounds
For I would rather tell you
Tell the outline of a space-time-bending story...
Story...

“Leave from here”
My parents often say...
“Be a man
“It’s time you earned some pay...”
But it is no secret
I’d rather write of special trams
Inside them many people
Have adventures in a space-time-bending story...
Space-time-bending story...

04 October 2008

Caramel Dancing!

Gentlemen and ladies: Presenting for your pleasure, a piece of putrid prose preceding a volume of vile verse, it’s Sydney Sodno the singer-songwriter from Stanwell-Upon-Sea!

Today, Caramelldansen in English! (With copious inspiration from Jingle Bella and the creator of this video.)

Verse 1:
Too-doo-too-doo-doo
Airy-airy-airy-air...
We all want to know whether you can dance
Raise both your arms so that we can start
There’s no fuss
Anyone can dance with us (dance with us)

Chorus 1:
So walk your feet around
Ooh-ah ah ah
And shake your hips like this
Ooh-la-la-la
Copy me
Move to the melody

Ooh-ah-ooh-ah ow!

Chorus 2:
Dancing with us
You can clap your hands and
Do as we do
Take two steps to the left you
Listen and learn
Don’t mess up the timing
Now you have it you’re caramel dancing

Hook:
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah ow
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah ow

Verse 2:
A dance revelation across the world
Everybody’s dancing, boy and girl
Come with me
And do the dance again, ready?
Ooh-ah-ooh-ah ow

Repeat Chorus 1:
So walk your feet around
Ooh-ah ah ah
And shake your hips like this
Ooh-la-la-la
Copy me
Move to the melody

So come on!

Repeat Chorus 2:
Dancing with us
You can clap your hands and
Do as we do
Take two steps to the left you
Listen and learn
Don’t mess up the timing
Now you have it you’re caramel dancing

Instrumental Interlude

Repeat Chorus 2:
Dancing with us
You can clap your hands and
Do as we do
Take two steps to the left you
Listen and learn
Don’t mess up the timing
Now you have it you’re caramel dancing

Repeat Hook:
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah ow
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ah-ooh-ah ow

So come on!

Repeat Chorus 2 twice!
Dancing with us
You can clap your hands and
Do as we do
Take two steps to the left you
Listen and learn
Don’t mess up the timing
Now you have it you’re caramel dancing