Tiny Tickle UnRadio

During a recent casual lunch meeting, our resident philosopher felt driven to scrawl his worldly musings onto the nearest napkin. I am just about to read out his thoughts. Listeners who are likely to be offended by this programme are advised to get a grip!

“1 × medium vegetarian lasagne, 2 × garlic bread, 2 glasses liquid frog, total cost: more than I can afford. Note to self: Leave restaurant discretely.

I have spent months thinking intensely about the fundamentals of the world in which I seem to live. Here are my conclusions, which I have, as far as I can tell, arrived at independently of anyone else who may or may not share my opinions.

Everything that I have ever encountered in my life boils down to two things:

1. Experiences, which require senses. Senses can deceive us. Therefore, data from our senses cannot be used as proof, be it proof of a miracle or proof that scientific data is accurate.
2. Thoughts, which, in my case at least, involve logic. I use logic to come to conclusions. Unfortunately, I cannot be sure that my conclusions are correct, since they are based on nothing more than my experiences and previous conclusions.

I cannot even conclude that I am applying logic when thinking, or even that I am thinking at all, since thought itself is an experience.

Unfortunately for me, taking up a religion would only complicate matters by raising more questions than it answered. For me, it is enough of a leap of faith to believe that I exist.”

Right... erm... Well, let that be a lesson to you listeners. Don’t read or think; it screws up your mind. Instead, listen to Tiny Tickle UnRadio, the silent radio station.