24 May 2005


Hey kidzes, velcome to Cheeldren's Broadcasteeng Basement; ther show dedeecated to all you little schnoockles. Theese week we have a great neew programme called Benn & Beell. It's starting now. Turn ther volyoom up so that you can heer them!

Benn: Bob.
Beell: Blabb?
Benn: Flobadob.
Beell: Flob-bob blob.
Benn: Gobbob...
Wood: Woooooood!
Beell: No, it's "Wood"
Wood: Wooooood?!
Beell: Say "Wood"
Benn: Quiet, you're ruining the carefully-crafted script -- err, I mean blobba-wobba... err... Screw it. If anybody wants me I'll be in my trailer...

Yah, vas that not good, kidzes? Cheeldren's programmes is so cleverly wreetten. Vell, bye bye now. Tune in ther next time!

Doctor When?!

As a radio station, Tiny Tickle UnRadio is inherently superior to all television stations. One area in which we are better is in scheduling. The BBC, for instance, gets vast numbers of viewers used to watching a popular show like Doctor Who at a good time like 19:00 hours, then maliciously spoils it all by quietly showing the 9th episode 30 minutes earlier than usual so that people miss most of it. Quite possibly this is a ploy to get Doctor Who addicts to buy more DVDs.

Tiny Tickle UnRadio, however, does not have such scheduling problems as we do not use a schedule. If only all stations were as good as us, eh? Speaking of nonexistent schedules, this was supposed to be a weather forecast. Hmm... Well, we have just enough air-time. Over to Rotomoi Noxoli...

Thank you Snodiarf. Well, here I am on air for the first time, and what a fine day it was yesterday. We had lots of weather and it's likely there'll be more where that came from. Up in the North there'll be patches of rain intermixed with more rain and a bit of drizzle. Down South there's a 50% chance of being struck by lightning conductors that escaped from SLiCTeF, the top secret Sentient Lightning Conductor Testing Facility under the Crooked Billet Roundabout, on Saturday. Two are still at large; the others are at small, which is something of a relief. Motorists are advised to take good advice and ignore bad advice.

Thank you Rote, and we'll be hearing more from her later.

03 May 2005

This Is A Public Announcement

Listeners are advised to note that rubber ducks, as used in bath tubs worldwide, are now mandatory in certain parts of Egypt and England. Ducks must be made from high quality duck molecules. Random inspections will result in the prosecution of any bather not found to be in possession of a suitably rubbery and ducky object.

We have received queries regarding the acquisition of artistic licenses. The correct address to send applications to is Eric, 29 Acacia Road. Yes, it's a short address, but your letter is guaranteed* to get there if it contains an ice cube.

*Despite our use of the word "guaranteed", we cannot be held responsible for any letters that fail to reach their destination when the UnIverse ceases to exist, which will be in about 16 seconds. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible...

...And now, the weather forecast.