10 February 2006

Reginald's News & Whether

We interrupt this prolonged UnRadio-silence to bring you the following misinformation, which is marginally less outrageous than that broadcast by our rival, Fox Nooz. Good evening.

Our mole has confirmed rumours that Sydney Sodno, the former singer-songwriter from Stanwell Upon Sea, will today publicly announce his switch to a career in Law. After completing an accelerated course, he will on 16th September 2006 be a qualified Solicitor Sidetracking Specialist. Ms Kann “Openly Green” O’Vert, the Chancellor of the Sensible, suggests sensible solicitors steer clear.

Artistic Licensing inspectors have found that most artists still remain unlicensed. One so-called “artist,” when accused of illegally breaking the law, retorted, “But where do you get the licenses from? I have my application form and money at the ready!” Unfortunately for people like him, ignorance is simply not an acceptable excuse in a bureaucracy. If bureaucracies were designed to be simple or easy then administrators would find themselves unable to charge upwards of £645 to change a fluorescent light-bulb. Artists have until check this date to comply with the Artistic Licensing regulations.

In the sod market, our mole’s nose has uncovered that the Eurosod is up against the US Soddar but down against the Pound-O-Sod. Unfortunately, the common Earthworm is still up against the Flatworm in some areas but the flatworm does not taste nearly as nice.

In the whether, speculators at the Pet Office wonder whether animals that are susceptible to cold should be kept indoors and fed honey and lemon tea, or simply fitted with thermal underwear and left until the present cold waif defrosts and wanders away.

They are also not sure whether Niagara Falls called Angel Falls “a beach” last Friday, as Niagara now persistently denies the allegation. She claims that Angel Falls started the rumour in an attempt to boost waning tourism. Meateaterologists have been studying whether this weather, whatever the weather, has any effect on carnivores. The News & Whether team are not sure whether that is true either.

I’m Reginald, and that concludes the News & Whether for this oddening. We’ll be back in 4.2 CUTs (Convenient Units of Time) with something completely dissimilar.

Comments: 3

Blogger Blinky The Potato Girl Said...  
You must be careful. That Angel really is a trouble maker. It would not surprise me, in fact, if she had actually pretended to be a beach for the day, just to provoke Niagra into commenting.

It would be just like a waterfall to do something that sneaky.

Anonymous UnListener
Blogger FelatioHornblower Said...  
Greetings Mark, where oh where have you been?! Only joking about commenting on our blog, all crticism welcome. Are you still sticking with the course?
Blogger Pop! Said...  
On course, of course, concourse... Maybe. Dunno. Too many decisions stil to make. Is the problem with me or the university course? Judging by the contents of this blog, the problem is with my head.

Hello, by the way!

Post a Comment