16 April 2005

Peculiar Poetry Point

One of Tiny Tickle UnRadio's frequent listeners, who also happens to be a chicken, wrote us a poem:

A chicken once laughed,
Down a ventilation shaft,
And caught its crest in the fan.
The noise was appalling,
Like a lawnmower stalling,
So the chicken leapt up and ran.

The other birds laughed
And said, "You're awfully daft,
You've lost your headgear to a fan!"
And the chicken replied,
"Hey, I nearly died!
Be quiet or I'll get you -- I can!"

Said the farmer, "'Ello, 'Ello,
I can help, so be mellow,
There's a first aid box by the wood."
So the farmer walked off,
With a sniff and a cough,
Hiding a tear as best as he could.

When the farmer returned,
He said, "I hope you have learned
Not to mess with a machine of mine,"
As he performed first aid,
He added, "And when you write really bad autobiographic poems,
Please remember not to put too many words on, or rhyme too many words with, the same line."

We think that this poem is absolutely awful and are open to suggestions for improvements.

Comments: 4

Blogger Blinky The Potato Girl Said...  
Hee hee hee, I think it's a life-changing poem. I'll add my own autobiographical poem from a stone.

The little stone was thrown
With a yellowish moan
And then it came back and killed somebody.

Short, but stapler-shaped.

Lucie
Blogger Jingle Bella Said...  
"Short, but stapler-shaped".

I like it. I think that line is worthy of poetry in itself. Really, it is - the sibilance is wonderful, and the five syllables work really well. It could be expanded into a haiku, perhaps ...

Short, but stapler-shaped.
Solemnly the stapler stood.
Still searching for stars*.

*alternate ending: sheep, which repeats the "sh" sound of "shaped" and "short".
Blogger Blinky The Potato Girl Said...  
Ooh, cool, between us we're making sneezes! Personally I think the stapler is looking for squiggles, but then it ruins the the whole rhythm thing... We'd need artistic license for that one.

Where can you apply to get an artistic license?

Lucie
Blogger Jingle Bella Said...  
That's the sequel!!!

Short, but stapler-shaped.
Solemnly the stapler stands.
Searches for squiggles**.

** see http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/biscuits/previous.php3?item=55

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